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Q: My son has been in military service in Iraq for the past three years. He is a marine. His unit started with 30 men and are down to 14. He will be coming home in a week but I’m terrified that he may not live through this next week. You always hear stories of people surviving war and then just before they are supposed to come home, something tragic happens.

A: I know that this next week will be one of the hardest of your life. I am also aware that anything I have to say may not change the fact that you will remain terrified until you know he is back home; but I do have some suggestions of things that may help you. First, whenever you find yourself thinking about the terrible things that could happen to him, immediately shift your attention to the warm reunion you expect to have once you see him again. There is so much documented evidence of the power of our thoughts to attract into our lives exactly those things we think about. Your worrying will not keep him safe and it just might make you sick. So often we subconsciously believe that if we let our worry vigil rest for one minute, then something tragic will happen. However, it is not your worrying that is keeping him safe and I’m sure it is taking a huge toll on you. You have seven days to get through. Try to spend them preparing for his homecoming. Buy the favorite food he likes for the dinner you want to cook for him. Make a list of the people you might like to invite to come to a welcome home party. Focus as much as is possible on the positive event of him coming home. Also, if you can stand it, avoid watching CNN or any coverage on the war. Whenever you hear of a marine being killed, you will die a thousand times thinking it is your son. If you can bear it, try to stay away from the news coverage. Odds are it won’t be your son and if it turns out to be, you will be informed. There is no preparation for that event. For the next seven days, act as if you KNOW he will be home and prepare a welcome home that he will never forget.

Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor, certified in Reality Therapy. This column is for readers to submit their relationship questions for Kim to answer. It could be a question about a couple relationship, a parenting relationship, a grief and loss relationship, a co-worker or friend relationship or even a question about your relationship with yourself.

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