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A: How do I get my child to do his homework? He just fights me about it all the time. In fact, sometimes when I make him do it, he won't even turn it in to get credit for it. I just don't understand him.

Q: My guess is that either he doesn't understand what's being asked of him, he doesn't find any value in doing the homework, there are other things he'd rather be doing or not doing the homework provides him with a sense of freedom, power or connection.

If he doesn't understand the assignment, he may not want to do it because he is afraid of looking dumb. If he gets no value from it, he won't want to waste his time. My children hardly ever did homework. They were auditory learners and written work did nothing to reinforce their learning. He may have other priorities--playing, friends, anything that is more enjoyable than homework. Or he may defiantly not be doing his homework as a way of getting a need met.

Not doing homework can meet a freedom need because he is asserting his independence. It can also help him feel powerful because it is something both you and his teacher want him to do so not doing it proves you can't make him do it. It could also be providing connection because perhaps it isn't "cool" to do homework.

Whatever the reason, can you see something underlies not doing homework. It isn't really about the homework? That's just the vehicle. Understanding the rationale behind not doing homework can help you decide how to proceed with the issue.

Stephen Covey's fifth habit of highly successful people is: "Seek first to understand; then to be understood." Start there and your course of action should become apparent. If it doesn't write me again and we can figure it out together.

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